“Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him, “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt me?” (Matthew 14:30-31)
As “Lindsey” walked back to her seat, and as I started to call “daddy issues” up to the stand God stood up and asked if he could go next. With a puzzling look I asked him “Why?” and he said, “Because when you face your “daddy issues”, you are going to need my help.” Then he proceeded to the stand.
Holding it together I turned to God to have him sworn in to begin the questioning.
Me: DO YOU SWEAR TO TELL THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH?
God: I ALWAYS DO…
God, let’s get right to it shall we… you are the creator of all things… are you not?
I am the creator of all things above and below.
Did you create evil?
Yes, as stated in Isaiah 45:7, “I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster, I the Lord do all these things.”
So, you created anxiety and depression… Why?
“I did create them both.”, answered God. He continued, “However, not to torture you but to grow you… I knew you before your beautiful mother knew you… after all I created you… Everything that I placed in you is to be used for your good to give me the glory. Yes, I know that depression and anxiety affect every area of your life… I know that you are lost, scared, and alone more often than not… but let me ask you a question Lindsey, “How often in those times do you turn to me for peace?” You see, it is in those moments when you will hear my voice the most but instead of listening you turn a deaf ear to me because you feel as if I have forsaken you… NEVER… I am a God of choice… I will always allow you to choose which path you want to follow first… but I promise if you just trust in me with your heart, I will give you the peace that you have been searching for.”
“Lindsey, Had I not given you anything to make you turn to me and not man, I KNOW THAT YOU WOULDN’T. I know that through those struggles you will turn to me for strength because it is in your weakness, Lindsey, that I can display my true power… I want all of you not just the parts that you want to trust me with… I need all of you… that relationship that you have been trying to make work for the last 5 years… give that to me… that degree that you are chasing and the promotion that you are looking for… give that to me as well… allow me to fill your hollow places with my hallow places and I promise you won’t regret it because even if you don’t get the guy that you desire… even if you don’t get the job or the degree that you desire… it is still well…I will make it well… what I have for you is bigger than what you want for yourself… trust in me completely Lindsey… allow me to work and fight on your behalf and I promise I will do exceeding and abundant things in your life because I have a plan to grow you and prosper you but you have to trust me… It is not you who should be forgiving me, but instead, it is me who always forgive you for your wavering faith, for your lack of trust in me… I will never bring you to the ocean and just allow you to drown… I will always help you get across… I will be your ship… what it comes down to is this… Lindsey, are you going to trust me? Are you going to give me every part of you without fear and panic? You have tried it your way for so long… trust in me Lindsey give me everything and I will work on your behalf… I am not going to move or allow you to go any further until you trust me.”
With tears in my eyes, I fall to my knees because I know what I have to do… God please forgive me for not trusting you completely… God please forgive me for not allowing you to show up for me… God I am sorry for only turning to you when I want something instead of turning to you when I have everything and more… God forgive me for not praising you for all of it… the good and the bad. God please guide me… teach me… grow me… because that plan that you have for me is far better than the plan that I have for myself.
Thank you, God, for your sincere forgiveness and everything that comes along with trusting you… peace… love… grace… mercy… I LOVE YOU!
Lindsey, let not these be words that you just type or say for show or fashion… but let these words rest in your heart, mind, spirit, and soul… for your faith in me will comfort you at your lowest and celebrate you at your highest.
THANK YOU, GOD! YOU MAY STEP DOWN…
AND YOU MAY GET UP…
To be continued… 🍎